WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize