i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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