I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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