i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize