I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize