Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
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I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize