bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
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You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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