I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize