I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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