you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think your dad took our porno
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize