i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize