1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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