If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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