Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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