You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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