I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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