Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize