dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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