I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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