I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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