She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize