a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize