The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize