I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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