I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize