Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
high people should be assigned attendants
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i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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