Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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