NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize