dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize