I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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