plz talk dirty to me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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