i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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