I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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