Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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