Don't you send me to vm
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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