just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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