I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
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Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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