I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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