Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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