I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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