i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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