I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I want to have your abortion
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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