So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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