he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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