I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize