Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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