so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
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thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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