Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize