Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize