every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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